I ACTUALLY PAINTED THIS! HOLY FUCK!

I'm serious, I CANNOT paint, BUT somehow, down the line of existence, I managed to paint. But ofcourse eyes are my specialty so its gonna turn out okay. BUT I PAINTED THIS! I'm so happy, cause usually painting is valued evil to me and so therefore I have difficulty managing the flow of it.

But I did it...and I'm not exactly sure who's photo it is I used for reference, all I know its off of here, so I need to find it. Anyways the photo is lovely. And usually I draw iris's with might detail but this is a brown eye so therefore I had to slap some black on with a dry brush technique with Indian ink...and made some mistakes but okay, painting isn't my thing but I tried and the results are meaningful to me.

Its existentialism. Eyes, you see with, and The Gaze you base it on sight, either physical or part of your imaginative consciousness insight. But basically this speaks for both and is part of the non-positional and positional consciousness. The Gaze is the power to see objects(including us, humans) in static and giving it another value or meaning. Liiikkkkeee...back in grade nine a lot of kids thought I was whacked in the head and technically they still do, but I used to do the Gaze A LOT.

Likkkkeee where I would see a kids in my school in static and destroy their subjectivity and value them as some other being: I valued them as two kinds of objects, I valued them as either mechanics or biological fleshings(humans) and I was constantly scared I would one day cut myself and discover I was a mechanic and not human, yet I had existentialist anxiety that I was scared of being human, which meant freedom. Where as mechanics had no freedom, they were controlled by a deity. But now I'm agnostic so....the whole controlled over a deity is a load of fucking crap to me now. I believe there must somehow be a God or not, but its a being-in-itself because God can't love because love brings desire then disappointment and despair. That's my views. And it was really baaad because my teachers always asked me why I was so forlorn or something, but the ironic thing is I used to yap a lot in class.

So now since The Gaze isn't rammed so much in my head, I don't speak at all in class. I just nod and when I do speak which is very rare, I usually cuss like when my teacher asked me about Eragon I said I hated that fucking shit. Boy the look on his face. But we're aloud to swear...cause we should know better but apparently I don't. -.-

And yes I know, your probably thinking I am whacked in the head but technically a lot of mental health people told me I'm too much of a deep thinker and I think too much. Which is a load of crap, I think I think too little, so that's why I'm doing this existentialism thing, too think more. And I'm not whacked, thankfully.

I'm boring.

Oh yeah, if ya turn your head sideways or just look at it sideways, it loooooks MUCH BETTER. MUCH better. Seriously.